The Price of Fickleness

Just out of curiosity, does anyone know how much it costs to hold a statewide election? What does it cost to get the ballots printed, how many man-hours are spent? What does each election cost the taxpayers?

I’m asking this simply because I’ve seen a dramatic increase in elected officials leave office lately in the middle of their terms, Republican Trent Lott being the latest.

Since 1940 there have been 35 senators who have quit in the middle of their term, but only two quit for reasons other than seeking another office, a judicial or diplomatic appointment, ill health, scandal or joining the military. One of those two took a position as a university president, and the other quit to take the job as Baseball Commissioner (he was quite blunt, too — stating that he made $10,000 a year as Senator, but he could make $50,000 a year as baseball commissioner). But this is changing. Senators (as well as Representatives) seem to be quitting in droves these days.

Senator Lott is in his first year of a six-year term. He was just elected last year, and now he wants to quit. Why? Well, he can make millions and millions of dollars working for a friend of his who just started a lobbying company in Washington, D.C.

This is fine ‘n dandy. I have no problems with people leaving a job they don’t like. But with elected officials it is rather different… We elect our officials, putting them under social contract to fulfill their obligations for a set period of time. If they leave before that time is up, the taxpayer has to shell out more moolah to hold another election… It’s not like we can just put an ad in the paper and hire the first qualified candidate to walk in the door.

It costs money. The only numbers I could find in my extensive three-minute Google search were of a couple Florida counties that had to pay $200,000 each to elect someone to replace Republican Representative Bob Allen. That’s nearly half a million dollars spent in just two counties…

Talk about cut and run tactics.

Think we should make a law that if a Senator or Representative leaves before his term is up to enter the private sector they should have to pay for the resultant election?

Climate Change? Real? Doesn’t Matter

Hey, watch this video…

My Vunderful Vife

Not only did she refrain from kneeing me in the groinal crotchy region for posting the funny picture of her a few days ago, but she laughed at it… I am therefore unscathed from the incident. No bruising at all!

Kudos!

Democrat Jason Altmire of Pennsylvania has introduced a bill guaranteeing soldiers get their full enlistment bonuses even if the soldier is injured while on duty. A person might ask why such legislation might be necessary… Turns out the Pentagon is demanding that 23-year-old Jordan Fox, who was blinded in his right eye and has back injuries from being hit with a roadside bomb in Iraq pay back part of his $10,000 enlistment bonus because he can’t finish his term of enlistment. Normally I’m a big proponent of fulfilling one’s obligation (as mentioned above in my rant about Republican Trent Lott quitting his job in mid-term), but it seems to me that getting hit by a bomb is a fairly good reason why one can’t. Give the injured soldier his money back. Kudos to those standing up for Mr. Fox.

Bill Richardson, Democratic presidential candidate, has been working with the Korean government to bring back the remains of U.S. soldiers lost in the Korean conflict. An Iowa soldier is being returned shortly. This has to mean a lot for the family of the missing soldier… I’m really pretty impressed by Governor Richardson. Of all the presidential candidates on the market today, he’s the one that really seems to be the most level-headed.

Teeny Tiny Little Bubbles

I’ve been enjoying the occasional Black and Blue (a combination of Guinness and Blue Moon) lately. I’ve always found Guinness to be a little bitter, and Blue Moon Belgian Ale to be a little too sweet, so when I discovered that you can put the two of them together I had to try it.

Deliciousness… Oh, the beer gods do smile!

This happy happenstance has led me to re-evaluate Guinness as it occurs solo. Somehow I’d never noticed that when I would order Guinness they invariably brought me a can of Guinness Extra Stout, and I invariably thought it was terrible, nasty, bitter beer and I’d hate it, but when I’d order a Black and Blue, they’d use Guinness Draught, and I liked it. For some reason it never occurred to me to simply order a Guinness Draught by itself instead of a bitter nasty Guinness Stout.

Turns out Guinness Draught is pretty good stuff!

The most fun part of drinking a glass of Guinness is watching the bubbles. Never seen anything like it. You can see what I’m talking about at www.guinness.com if you want. It’s as much fun to watch as it is to drink!

See! I told you she’s beautiful!

Yes…

Yes, Honey, it’s your birthday today. Sorry.

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Crises of Voluminous Magnitude

“Do you vant me to help you pack?” asked my beloved Austrian wife, Dagmar. “I can help you pack.”

Eyes glued to the game, I thumbed the “mute” button on the remote. “What?” I replied. “Pack? Where am I going?” I truly hoped that if I was going somewhere, it would be somewhere that would let me sit on the couch in my jammies and watch the game.

“You’re goink to leave, I can tell,” she said, her voice quivering just a bit. “I vill help you pack. You’ll need to take extra tummy pills…”

I looked up at her. “I don’t have to go anywhere,” I said. I looked at her, standing there in her little gray nightshirt, the one with the kitty-cats on it. Her eyes were tearing up. “Why do you think I’m going somewhere?”

“Because I’m old!” she wailed. “You’re going to leave me because I’m old!” She turned and ran into the bedroom. The cat, Fruitloop, who had been, until just a few seconds ago, happily napping on the couch right next to the happily napping me, looked up at me with a “wow, dude” look on his face.

“Hey, fuzzy little buddy, what’s the date today?” I asked, scratching him on the head. He didn’t answer. I looked around, wondering if we had a calendar. Yep, right there on the wall by the door. Ahhhh… I see.

Dagmar’s birthday is this Thursday. Ahhhh…

I hoisted my carcass to an upright position and staggered to the bedroom. I tapped on the door. “Honey? You okay in there?” I opened the door. All I could see was a Dagmar-sized bump under the blankets. “Are you okay, Snookums?”

“You’re going to leave me und find a younger vife,” she sniffled. “I’m going to be OLD!” I sat on the bed and politely waited for her to continue. She did. “Everyting’s moving south. I’m getting saggy. I’m old.”

I reassured my beloved bride best I could that aging is a natural process and of course I’m not going to move away and find another wife. We talked for a while about how we’re both more comfortable with ourselves than we were when we were young, and how it’s nice to be taken seriously. There’s a calmness that comes with age that’s reassuring and comfortable. She eventually sat up and quit sniffling. “You’re right,” she said. “There’s a certain grace and power in aging. Ve should embrace it rather than fight it.” She perked up, crisis over. Everything’s back to normal again. “Can you get me a glass of vater?” she asked.

I got up and made my way to the kitchen to get her water. I paused in the bathroom to wash my hands because I’d only washed them 240 times that day and needed to get to 300 by supper time (hey, we all have our demons). As I wiped my hands off on the towel, I met my reflection in the mirror. We stared at each other for a moment, he and I. You know, I’m getting awfully gray in the beard. And those laugh lines are starting to sag a bit. Mister Reflection didn’t look nearly as vibrant as I remembered. Is that a hair growing out of my ear? What the…? Mister Reflection there sorta looks kinda pudgy around the edges. This is Not Good.

You know, my birthday’s coming up pretty quickly, too. I made a strangled little meeping noise.

“Vhat?” hollered Dagmar from the other room. “Vhat did you say?”

Still staring my reflection down, I hollered, “I said, ‘Do you want me to help you pack?'”

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Good Luck, Bob

I’m sure everything will be okay.
Everything will be okay.

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Dear World…

To everyone:

I’m working on your job right now. Whatever it is I’m doing for you, I’ll get it done just as soon as I possibly can. Your job is important to me, and is my number one priority. I promise, I’ll finish it as soon as I can.

Please note, calling me every ten minutes to ask the status of your job really isn’t helping. In fact, it’s slowing me down considerably. I’m working on your job right now, so every minute I spend on the phone explaining that to you is just one more minute’s delay in your job.

I’m working on it right now.

Thank you for your patience and understanding in this matter.

I’ve been tagged…

Hmmm… I’ve been tagged by Steakbellie to write about certain topics in blocks of eight. ‘Tis an interesting assignment. I’ll give it a try…

Eight Passions In My Life

1. My Alpine Snowflake, beloved bride of mine, Dagmar. I’ve often said that I never really grew up, never really knew who I was, and never knew how to be happy until I met her. Just today I kissed her on the forehead and said, “Thanks for taking my anger away.” She’s my very favorite.
2. Family. My family is getting more and more important to me every year. The older I get the more I need to spend time with the clan.
3. Photography? To be honest, I’m not sure that any of the last six are going to be in any particular order… But I’ve been enjoying photography the past few years, and I’m starting to make a little money at it. It’s nice to make money doing something you enjoy!
4. Music. I don’t play bass in any organized band any more (not that any of my previous bands could be called “organized,” really) but I still enjoy listening to music, and when I do play in jam sessions or whatnot I truly enjoy it when I can sink into a song and forget myself for a while, floating on the notes, being timeless (often in more ways than one).
5. Motorcycling. While I enjoy “the call of the road,” the rumble of a V-twin and the wind in my hair, I enjoy the combination of solitude and brotherhood just as much. The solitude comes when you’re riding — you can’t talk to anyone, and no one can talk to you. There are no cell phones, no TV’s, no distractions. It’s the perfect way to sort through the day’s problems… And once the problems are sorted, you often find yourself in some really pretty country to enjoy. The brotherhood is something I’ve found relatively recently. I’ve found some good people to ride with the past four or five years, and it makes the whole experience seem “whole.”
6. Friends. Make ’em. Keep ’em. They’re important, especially when you need bail money.
7. Helping in the community. It’s important to me to help out wherever I can. I’ve known that all along but never seemed to do much about it until recently. I hope to do more.
8. Whining about my day job.

Eight Things to Do Before I Die

1. Kiss my wife.
2. Make a will.
3. Buy more life insurance.
4. See the American Tricentennial.
5. Visit Germany and Austria and drink their beer.
6. See a palm tree (and NOT a potted palm, a real one, like in the Corona Beer commercials).
7. Swim in a warm ocean.
8. Ride my motorcycle down Highway 1 from Jacksonville to the Florida Keys. (Hey, that’d get me the “palm tree” AND “the ocean” all in one if I played my cards right!)

Eight Things I Often Say

1. “…and we’ll take it from there.”
2. “Do you know what I mean? I mean, did I explain that right?”
3. “Sure, I’ll have another.”
4. “Oh for gosh sakes.” (I actually do say that.)
5. “Geeze, I didn’t sleep at all last night.”
6. “What key was that supposed to be in?”
7. “What’s this button for?”
8. “Sure, I’ll have another.”

Eight Books I Read Recently

1. “Analog Science Fiction and Fact” magazine. I know, I know, it’s not a book, but I read these magazines a lot. I’ve got a library that goes from 2005 back to the 1960’s or so, with a few going back to the 50’s. It’s not a complete library, but it’s not bad.
2. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, Robert A. Heinlein, 1966. A great treatise on political theory.
3. Mission of Gravity, Hal Clement, 1953. Imagine how a planet with wildly varying gravitational fields (an oblong, spindle shaped planet with a large mascon could do the trick) could mold not only a species, but a society.
4. Man of Earth, Algis Budrys, 1958. Give a sick old man a healthy body and a new start in a foreign army and see what happens.
5. Cat’s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., 1963. I don’t think I understood this book. I probably should read it again…
6. Esperanto: A Complete Grammar. This book had the weakest plot I’ve ever read, and I’ve read winners like “Fish Men from Pluto.” I got to page 30 and lost the book. Now I’ll never know if Rikardo donis libron al Maria.
7. The Cat Who Walks Through Walls, Robert A. Heinlein, 1985. A fun action/adventure story set in outer space. A bit too cheeky for my taste at times, but fun to read.
8. Old Man’s War, John Scalzi, 2005. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Science fiction (of course) — rejuvenation with a twist.
9. I know, there’s only supposed to be eight. But go out and read Spider Robinson’s stuff. Intelligent humor wrapped around a love of wordplay mixed with dabs of science with a dollop of cool ideas.

Eight Songs that Mean Something To Me

1. “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin.
2. “For What It’s Worth,” by Buffalo Springfield. (For years I thought the name of the song was “Stop Children, What’s That Sound”.)
3. “Scarborough Fair/Canticle” by Simon and Garfunkle. The intricacies of the song fascinated me when I was a kid. I loved the opposing themes, both musical and lyrical, though it was the music that truly intrigued me. They pulled this trick off again with a version of “Silent Night” an album or two later, incidentally. I haven’t heard the song in years. I wonder if I still enjoy it? Mayhap.
4. Gosh, there are so many. I cry sometimes when I hear “Walk Don’t Run” by the three-piece band The Ventures. The simple elegance and sheer coolness of the song was years ahead of its time. I think they influenced rock and roll more than people realize.
5. “Fugue for Organ in G Minor” by Bach. Just plain cool.
6. “Moondance” by Van Morrison.
7. “Third Stone from the Sun” by Hendrix. You can do that with a guitar? Whoa…
8. “Kiko and the Lavender Moon” by Los Lobos. Nice memories of dancing in the living room at midnight.

Eight Qualities I Look For in a Friend

1. Kindness.
2. Respect.
3. Must treat old ladies, small children and dogs as human beings.
4. Honesty.
5. Trustworthiness.
6. Responsibility.
7. Dignity.
8. The ability to communicate clearly.

Eight People I’m Passing This On To

1. Pistols at Dawn
2. The Guv’nor
3. Dad Andersen
4. Leoness (shoot, she’s already been tagged)
5. Kat (dagnabbit, Steakbellie tagged her too)
6. Pixie
7. I’m running out of people. I’m only listing people I think would participate — no use picking on someone who hates this sort of thing… Um… The Lady Who Doesn’t Lunch
8. Aunt V?

It Should Oughta Be a Law

Sitting here just now, I was thinking of all my friends who are veterans. (It is Veterans’ Day, after all.) Oddly enough, I can only think of two of them who don’t have to work today. All the rest of them are at work right now. Isn’t this supposed to be their day? Why are they working while the mailman is sitting at home?

Shouldn’t it be a law that veterans get a paid holiday on Veterans’ Day? My employer doesn’t honor Veterans’ Day, even though it’s a federal holiday, but wouldn’t it be great if they gave our delivery guy (a Vietnam Vet) the day off with pay? Hasn’t he earned it?

Chilly Morning

I got home after work yesterday (I know, yesterday was both a Sunday and a holiday, but it’s been a long weekend) just in time to see one of the local homeless guys park his grocery cart beside a bush and sit down on the neighbor’s porch steps for a few minutes. He saw me and waved. “Sure is a nice day!” he said. I waved back. “Yep!”

This morning I left the house at ten after six to head to work. I stood quietly on my front porch for a minute or two to let my other neighbor finish going through the trash can across the street in privacy. He pulled an empty pop can out of the garbage, looked around to see if anyone caught him, and walked up the street to his pickup truck, dropping the can in the back. He lived in the same house, just two houses up the street from me, for over fifty years, faithfully paying his homeowners’ insurance. Sadly, an arsonist hit his house a week or two ago. His family is scattered about the neighborhood now, living wherever they can — they won’t let the family move back into their home until the damage is repaired. Unfortunately his homeowners’ insurance is only covering a third of the cost, so no one’s sure if they can get the house repaired before the city condemns the property and tears it down. Just one more homeless family… Hopefully it’s not a permanent situation for them. There aren’t enough empty pop cans in the neighborhood any more.

Dagmar and I are participating in a charity event for the local homeless population on Friday — we’re taking pledges and sleeping out in the park with a bunch of other people. If anyone wants to donate a few dollars, that’d be great! Just click on the button below to e-send a donation if you want. To learn more about the Siouxland Sleepout, please visit their Web site — www.siouxlandsleepout.com.

Go Pack Go!

The Green Bay Packers have won 7 games and only lost one. I’m a happy hippie! Man, the game against Kansas City was close. If the Packers keep waiting till the last minute to win their games I’m gonna end up popping a vessel or something.