“What a stupid high price for a pair of socks!” I thought when I first saw these on Amazon.com. “I’ll never waste my money on something like that. How dumb.” I silently pitied the fools as I sipped my beer.

“Huh,” I said to the dog two days later. “I wonder what this is.” I set the mystery package from the UPS man on the table. We both pondered the box for a moment. Then, “oh no…” I looked at the dog. The dog looked at me. “I was drinking beer and playing on Amazon again, wasn’t I?” The dog giggled under her breath and sat down under the table in her usual “let’s watch the funny monkey-man pretend to know what he’s doing” pose.

Forty-five seconds later…

“OHMYGOSH!” I hollered, startling the dog. “THESE ARE FANTASTIC!” Had any neighbors pulled in at that moment and peeked through the frost-lined windows they would have seen an aging hippie, clad in faded jammie bottoms and a black T-shirt with a peace sign in the center, dancing around the living room like an idiot, pointing gleefully at his feet upon which were a brand new pair of stupid-expensive socks, and a Golden Retriever quietly snickering under the table.

I wore the stupid-expensive socks every day for a week, pausing every few days to stand impatiently (and barefootedly) by the washing machine. On day eight I ordered a second pair.

These socks are, indeed, very, very much worth the money! They’re snug, they keep their shape (or at least they have so far – I’ve had ’em probably two, three weeks now), they show zero signs of wear even though I’ve worn them daily. Best of all, they’re WARM. I work from home in an old farmhouse in northwest Iowa – the high temperature today is supposed to be about two below zero – so my feet are constantly achingly cold, even if I wear two pairs of socks and my flappy-flappy slippers… But since I’ve started wearing these socks my feet haven’t ached at all – I can easily walk on the old hard, frigid floors without worry.

Considering the fantastic warranty and the wondrous quality of these socks, they’re not so stupid-expensive after all – I anticipate a few pairs of these miracles will pay for themselves over time (I usually go through fifteen or twenty pairs of super-cheap tube socks a year), and the joy of having comfortable feetsies in the winter is something you young whippersnappers will understand someday…

Now where’s my beer – I have more shopping to do…