Okay, so I normally stick with the $1.35 Totino’s cheese pizzas. I eat about five of ’em a week because they meet my body’s sodium and fat requirements and I’m choosy about that sort of thing. But I saw this in the grocery store for $4.99 and had to try one…

The beautiful pizza, those wings! drooooool…

I mean, look at it. The photos on the box make it look sooooo good! Pizza AND wings! Ohhhh my! I put the pizza in the freezer and seriously had dreams about it that night. All night. And the next morning it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. Pizza. Wings. It haunted my thoughts until FINALLY it was lunch time. Yay!

Hands aquiver with anticipation I opened the freezer and gazed lovingly at the box… That’s when I saw it.

Seriously? Wings with no wing meat? What the what?

Oh no. They weren’t chicken wings, they were “white meat chicken fritters.” That’s not good…

Nonetheless, I’d been dreaming of this marvelous pizza for almost a full day now… I looked at the box, the photo of that crispy crust, perfectly round pepperoni, melted cheese, oh my oh my oh my! I made my way to the kitchen. I find that to be a convenient place to cook stuff.

Pausing for a moment to wipe up an errant puddle of drool, I opened the box, taking one last look at the wondrous photos on the front. This is what was inside:

Nutritious AND well-presented – who could ask for more?

Oh. Hmmm. A lopsided pizza with random pepperoni, a bag of frozen chicken nuggets, and a bag of some sort of frozen… something. Maybe if I spread it out it’ll look better…

The pizza of my dreams!

Ah well. I’m hungry. I rearranged the pepperoni and tossed it on the Pizzazz, my dreams of a dreamy pizza fading, being replaced by dreams of something edible. I mean, for five bucks I wasn’t expecting miracles, but… But those pictures on the box! I wandered off to go cry in a corner while the mess of a pizza cooked.

I puffy-heart my Pizzazz Pizza Maker! I puffy-heart it!

In fifteen minutes or so the thing dinged. “Ding,” it said. “Ding.” Fighting off imminent depression and pizza-based gloom I made my way to the kitchen (which I find is a convenient place to cook stuff). Surprisingly, IT LOOKED GOOD! IT LOOKED GOOD! Yay and hurray!

I heated up the wing sauce quick and stirred it over the chicky nuggets…

Hey, the pizza doesn’t look half bad! The wings, though. That color just ain’t natcheral.

After a few trepidatious nibbles I was pleasantly surprised – the pizza was actually pretty good for a five-dollar frozen… The sauce on the wings had a pretty vibrant color, one that’s rarely seen in nature. “White meat chicken fritters with a buffalo-style sauce packet.” Yeah.

Well, actually… Yeah. Not half bad!

Methinks I’ll buy this again!