To Whom It May Concern:
Here’s a letter I e-mailed Philips, a national corporation, complaining about something:
Hiya… I just bought your “4 in 1 Complete Cleaning System.” “All you need to clean CD/DVD” it says on the package. I haven’t tried it yet, so I assume the product itself is fine. What’s got my tail twisted into knots is the horrible, terrible, miserably misbegotten hardshell plastic packaging the product comes in. Have you ever tried to open one of those things? It’s neigh on impossible, I tell you.
Here I’m sitting in my comfy robe and slippers, cat snoozing gently on my lap, adoring wife by my side as I stare in complete bafflement at this fine example of impervious packaging that encases your product in a shell of transparent plastic that’s so tough I’m not sure a diamond-tipped drill could make so much as a scratch. All I want to do, you see, is get a DVD to work, thus ensuring me an afternoon of peace and quiet. But instead, I now have a distraught wife, and angry cat, several cuts and scratches on my hands as I sit here, surrounded by various knives, scissors, box cutters and razor blades. I’m reasonably sure I just heard my cat say a bad word, and I’m fairly certain he learned it from me as I struggled to open your product.
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I hate the hard plastic packaging. I found myself in a similar situation a couple weeks ago. It is such a pain to open.
I’ve heard that there is a new nuclear device designed to open those packages.
I’m still laughing because they sent you a LETTER with their phone number in response to your e-mail. That’s so incredibly stupid, it’s funny.
“CONTAINS ALMOND” is also a real comedy treat, but I’m kinda grossed-out that it may contain soy milk.
and seriously, has Ann Coulter ever met a gay man? They’re usually more stylish and fun than John Edwards.
At my work place we have these little “white out” contraptions and on each package it states in the front. “Actual Size”.”You think! Actual size, huh, well that is just great to know.” You have to wonder WHO they have on their marketing teams to come up with some of this wording on their packages. Thank God we know there are almonds in your bag of almonds! What a surprize if it were anything else. Thanks for the laugh…great stuff!
I wonder just how green their factories in Mexico are? We used to have a Philips plant in a nearby community, and they shut it down and moved it to Mexico. I’m sure the relaxed environmental rules and regulations of the Mexican government provided a much bigger savings than the difference in wages they’re now enjoying.
Green my ass!
BTW: your letter was very cleverly worded. You have a gift.
Actually I’m more annoyed that a company would hire someone in Customer Service that writes “complaining on” than I am at the fact that they essentially brushed you off or that yes, they do make CD packaging that’s harder to get into than Fort Knox.
But I find “contains almond” sort of comforting – ’cause you really never know what they’re feeding you.
Chris and Dagmar… finally have a moment to come here and really read (again). I am mortified to admit the company I work for has a label in 4 places on our “top selling” lawnmower which states: “caution! Blades may be sharp!”
I will just sit back and wait for lawsuit claiming our blades weren’t sharp enough… they were after all, BLADES!
Hello Chris.
Hello Dagmar!